A year ago, a year later.

 

The Covid 19 Pandemic hit everyone like a bolt of lightning. For some, it cleared the road of clarity but for the majority of mankind, it came as a disaster. Clearly, nobody had anticipated it when it struck, and nobody had expected the turn of events that came up thereafter. It questioned the preparation of the entire human race for an unexpected pandemic in today's time and strangely nobody had an answer. Nobody knew how the Pandemic happened in the first place. Countries, Governments, Political leaders were blamed for the inadequate and inefficient efforts, cities came to a halt, jobs were lost, travel was stopped. Life was under threat and people wanted to rush back home to their loved ones because there was no visible solution to this ongoing threat.

While the world struggled to live, the Covid 19 pandemic also brought different sections of the human race closer. Families were spending time together, communities without barriers were building for relief efforts, people were playing board games on their cell phones and there were viral trends that the whole world was following at the same time. 

A month before this whole situation got serious, I was at the peak of the worst phase of my mental state. I was employed and had a lot of work in hand, yet I stopped going to my workplace. I preferred working from home or a cafe because I didn't want to interact with people. For a while, I was living alone and my state of mind clearly affected my relationships with others, if not my work. Soon the Pandemic situation set in, the lockdown was imposed, and the 'Stay Home' captions were all over the place. Colleagues and friends whose families resided in other cities were going back home and naturally, even my family wanted me back. They came to pick up my brother and persuaded me enough, confirming and re-confirming if I was sure about my decision not to come back home. I assured and reassured them I would be fine, even if I wasn't too sure myself. 

Except for my brother, my parents were definitely clueless about what I was going through and I on the other hand was trying to find an answer and a solution to what was happening, why it was happening. It was painful and It was tiring. It was going on and off for the last fourteen years where I thought I was sad and depressed but my parents brainwashed me into thinking it was just a phase and an excuse. Years later when I realized what was happening, I didn't blame them. They themselves were not aware of the concept of mental health and mental well-being. As ignorant as it may sound but mental only meant a lunatic for them. It took them time to understand what was happening when I had to get myself treated with counseling and psychiatric help but even that had failed to help me because I was just jumping into situations, living in denial until it reached a stage that needed serious looking at. When the Pandemic came, it arrived as a blessing in disguise for me. It opened up opportunities for thinking out loud about my actions and behavior and I was engaging in activities that I loved doing but never really gave a thought to. No change comes magically and suddenly and even this had its fair share of experiences which I documented in the process of getting better.

A year later, today as I write this, a lot can be looked back upon. I have helped others deal with their own mental health. Things could have gotten worse if I wouldn't have decided to get a grip on myself. I learned a lot along the way, the storm inside is beginning to settle. Not everything is completely fine. I still have instances when a trigger is pulled and I go back into a loop of withdrawals but now I am a lot more aware of how to get back and shift my focus into what matters. The world on the other hand is still going through its fair share of the Pandemic, things are still scary yet everyone keeps going, nothing stops. Humankind is a rather funny race. I wonder why the astrologers couldn't predict this coming.

- Namita.